10.07.2010

our second home...

It has taken me a while to write this post. I started it on the plane ride to Indianapolis and have been working on it every night since then. As you can see….we have made it home. Indiana will always have a sense of home to the two of us. This is where he grew up, where his entire family resides, where my parents moved to when I went off to college and where we met. We agreed since the day he was diagnosed that we would end up here if there were no other options in his treatment…and here we are, resting in the Kennemore household. We were welcomed with open arms by his sister, Megan, and her husband, Chad, to stay as long as we needed and to make their home our home. For this, we will forever be grateful. There is a tremendous sense of comfort being here…in this home…with our family.

Leaving Florida was impossible to say the least. Since John’s release from the hospital late Friday night, we said our goodbyes to our friends in Florida the entire weekend. It was a revolving door of friends, food, love, family, strength, tears and laughter. Laughter is something we needed most that weekend because the realization that many might not see him again was too hard to bare. Hour after hour was met with a trip up the stairs to go see John in bed, say their few words and moments later, the descent back down the stairs to meet others also in shambles. One by one, every person got their moment with John. We never could have imagined how difficult this weekend could have been….and we are about to do it again in Indiana. With each visit, we realized the trip was getting closer and the moments with friends in Florida were drawing to a close. It was like a ripple effect. I have never heard so many, “I am so sorry” avowals whispered in my ear as I did this weekend. The harsh reality of his weakening was becoming more and more evident. The fleeting thoughts of flight and transport in the moment were consumed with what was to happen in the coming days.

Monday morning came in a hurry…we stepped onto the plane and John was incredibly strong throughout the ride. We thankfully arrived to family and friends with the same open arms we left in our home in Florida. Since our arrival, we have been draining the bloody fluid from his chest every day and without fail, there is more and its consistency is even thicker. We had a scheduled blood transfusion Tuesday morning and found out his hemoglobin was holding strong. All of this despite the amount of fluid we are getting from his body. It fared well. Hospice was also waiting for us to arrive and pain management is an important part of this leg of the journey.

He has been under the stress of knowing what is happening and faithfully, he does not waiver. His head is held as high as he can in a moment like this and his love still permeates the room. I do not know how he does it. I really do not know how he can know how the chips are falling and yet, he tries so hard to be the best companion he can be. I have thanked him for fighting and for being the bravest person I have ever met every chance I get….and I will do the same unto you. I have always said it and I will say it again…thank you. Thank you to those who have supported us throughout this journey. The selflessness and love shown by all of you has been amazing and we honestly could not have done it without all of you. Even just reading this shows a great deal of care even though many have no idea who we are…that is a gift. It takes a village….and with his caring sister and loving mother in tow….we arrived in Indianapolis with the utmost power and fight we can unearth within ourselves. It is not over. He is still here. He is still who we all want to save right now. Though we can try and pretend it does not hurt. We can pretend it is not happening. We can say how much we all just want this to stop and go away. We can yell and scream with tears flooding our eyes. We can do all of these things, but the reality of it is….this is what we are going through. Though rough and completely overwhelming, we still have each other for these moments along with the power of our family and friends backing us every step of the way.

13 comments:

  1. I love you kids! Mom xoxo

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  2. amazing.

    --nicole

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  3. thank you for showing me a true yoga practice<3

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  4. You are an amazing woman and John an amazing man. John's Mom is an wonderful person that loves you both very much. Susan is my second cousin and while I have never met John, I feel I know you both very well through your journal. Family and friends are everything and you have that. God Bless all of you.
    Your third cousin, Vicki

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  5. I do not know either of you, but reading your blog has truly touched the depths of my heart...thank you for sharing and thank you for reminding us all how to love and how we need to be aware every moment of every day how we treat one another...we need to constantly be aware of just how many blessings God has given each of us that we easily take for granted. Praying for you all.

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  6. AMAZING.. to be able to express everything you are feeling.. and to see it all so clearly... in the moment.. it's no wonder john loves you so much!!!

    A lot of people go a lifetime never finding a love like the love you and John share..

    Like many of your readers, I do not know you or John. I am a friend of Megans.. and I've never prayed more for a miracle in my life... all because of your words. Thank you so much for sharing Cat.

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  7. *tears*
    *tears*
    and more *tears*
    <3 so much love your way....

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  8. Sending love to you both. Simply cannot stop thinking about you guys!!! We love yooooou!!!! Thanks for the update, Cat. We appreciate it! <3

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  9. I am a friend of friend and do not know you personally but I have thought about you both for the past few months as if we have been friends forever. The love you have for one another is so unique and rare, it will go on forever regardless of who remains on this earth. You are truly one of the strongest people I have ever encountered! Love to both of you and I will NEVER forget you guys. I am forever changed because of you both.

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  10. I don't you guys either but wanted to say, your blog and writings and love for each other has changed my life. Thank you for that.

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  11. Your courage is amazing. I hope that John has accepted Christ as Savior to ensure you will meet again in heaven. God bless you on your journey.

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  12. As I have read about all that you have been through....love is what I see over and over again..the great love you and John share...the love of your family...and the love of wonderful friends....the power of love is amazing....I pray along with the reader above that John and you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior...God is love....How great the Father's love that He should give His son to die for us, to give us eternal life

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  13. Life is nothing without love, but the love we feel for one another -- the love you and John exhibit each moment -- pales in comparison to the love that God has for all of us. I am so sorry that you two have to face this tragedy, and so glad that you do not face it alone. Family and friends are such a blessing. But there is one who longs to hold you close and bear your pain for you, and He is only a prayer away.

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