10.20.2010

make it easier...

It is unbelievable…how can this ever be easy? What hand did we get dealt in life that makes this okay? We said forever….and that is what I want. I want him forever. I want us to last forever…or until I would go first at a very old age. I am sitting by…helpless…watching this happen. I want time to come to a slow crawl. I want each hour to seem like an eternity and I want his smell to linger in my nose every second of the day. I am being self-seeking…I know. I hate that I feel this way but selfishly, I want him to be here. I know there will come a time when he has to go…but the last thing I want to think about is that time. It is hard not to…but I try. I am trying to compose myself…to stay strong…to laugh…to allow myself to break down and feel…to listen to music…to realize this is happening without it consuming me…to feel my heart breaking. My heart is breaking. Make it stop…make it all easier. My sweet love. My angel. My life. He is my life.

7 comments:

  1. John 14:27
    Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

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  2. My heart breaks for you both. Word just can't express...

    Holly and JB

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  3. Kathy Pieper10/21/10, 7:24 AM

    I am Stephanie and Dustin's Aunt, My heart is breaking for all of you, I have been keeping up with the blog. I pray the God gives you strength to get through this journey of your life, my family has gone through so much tradegy in the last few years, it has only made us stronger. God be with both of you. Make each second a memory. You are a very strong woman and so full of love.You are an inspiration from God!Praying for John and you. God Bless

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  4. my heart breaks for you both, too. this shouldn't be happening. i can't believe that it is. we love you both so much, cat. can't stop thinking about you guys. every minute of everyday... you guys are on my mind. sending love from south florida.

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  5. cat, i agree with you. this shouldn't be happening. please don't feel like you are acting selfish, because you aren't. anyone in your situation would feel the same and you don't ever need to feel bad about wanting him here with you forever. praying for you...

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  6. Cat, I think about you and John so much each day and even though we have not seen each other in a long time your blog has kept me connected to you two in a way you cannot imagine. I hurt because you are hurting, I cry because this should NOT be happening and I pray that through this you can somehow find some comfort and peace. The most difficult part....letting go. I know that you want to hold on to him forever but know that John will always be a part of you. That love you share is forever.

    Praying for you both...

    Julia Seay

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  7. I don't even know you, but I feel your pain. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago....I now know profound sadness. What hand did we get dealt with in life that makes this okay? My heart is braking for you, I am praying for you and John. Just know that someday you will meet again...

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