It is unbelievable…how can this ever be easy? What hand did we get dealt in life that makes this okay? We said forever….and that is what I want. I want him forever. I want us to last forever…or until I would go first at a very old age. I am sitting by…helpless…watching this happen. I want time to come to a slow crawl. I want each hour to seem like an eternity and I want his smell to linger in my nose every second of the day. I am being self-seeking…I know. I hate that I feel this way but selfishly, I want him to be here. I know there will come a time when he has to go…but the last thing I want to think about is that time. It is hard not to…but I try. I am trying to compose myself…to stay strong…to laugh…to allow myself to break down and feel…to listen to music…to realize this is happening without it consuming me…to feel my heart breaking. My heart is breaking. Make it stop…make it all easier. My sweet love. My angel. My life. He is my life.