my heart...

There is not a countdown here…we have to enjoy the time we have left with him. If there was an expiration date, it would take away from the fact that he is still here. There is always going to be the natural wonder of when, how, and what it will look like…but why is no longer a part of the questions I ask. I know where I will be too…that is definitely a given. If the consumption of the previous when, how and what were entertained in the least bit, John’s spirit would be robbed of its giving energy and he deserves more than that from me…from his wife. How much longer do we have with John? I do not know…nor do I care. I will make every minute of every day seem like an eternity in my thoughts and he will never leave me….he will never be a brief thought in the daily grind when I get back to what will seem to be a life after him…he will forever be etched in my heart and on my mind. He deserves this from me. There will always be a familiarity of his smell, of his touch, of his voice, of his face, of his love…running rampant inside of my soul. He still, to this day, thanks me for taking care of him…I have always replied back in greater thanks. “Thank you for taking care of my heart,” I say every time. Just because he cannot do the physical things he would do in the past that he considered taking care of his little family, he has always and has continued to take care of my heart….and he has done an incredible job of doing so.


  1. I was told about your blog by my sister in law telling me about this sweet strong woman who was going through this situation with her husband. I know my words can not give you what you probably need but all that comes to my mind is HOPE and LOVE. We are so blessed to be married to such wonderful men. We have been through our own battles with health issues, where your future together seems so dim. So in some very small ways i can relate. I relate most to your words. Your words of adoration, love and sincerity of your love for your husband. They are the greatest gift God can give in our life. Every day i am going to be lifting you both up in prayer!! I will now follow you both on this journey. I believe without a doubt God CAN heal him. I believe without a doubt that he can heal you too! Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically. You are an inspiration, you both are.
    Psalm 30:5
    Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

    This is a promise. Keep rejoicing every morning. For every beautiful moment you have, for every breath and every sweet word and look. For every hug every kiss.

    Thankyou for reminding us that love is a choice, loving someone is a choice and waking up everyday counting our blessings and not taking a moment for granted.

    You are both in my prayers

    Elisha - NSW, Australia

  2. I came across your blog while reading a friends entry the other day and you have been on my mind and heart every day since then.

    Crazy how this little blog world can connect people who have never even met.

    Know that you guys are being lifted up by many people all over the world! Prayer is a powerful thing!

    Lord Jesus, wrap your arms around this sweet family, couple, and man. You know them inside and out and have a plan that you have specially written for them. None of this is a surprise to You.... You are in control of it all and will continue to use it for Your glory and their good. May they feel YOU during this time and experience YOU - the God of all hope, peace, joy, and life! In the specific powerful name of Jesus.

  3. Father, I cry out for John and ask that you reveal yourself to him in a Mighty way. May he know that his life is not ending but truly beginning eternally and that YOU are the answer to all his dreams and hopes. Bring this family to a saving knowledge of YOU and redeem their lives. Show them that You came to give them eternal llife and that by believing what You did on the cross, you did for all mankind. It is not the end, but only the beginning!

  4. Querida Cat, soy Loty amiga de tu mami desde cuando vivian en Houston, mama de Karla y Franco, te acuerdas? Siempre pense que tu mama estaba haciendo una gran tarea criando a dos chicos increibles, tu y tu hermano, y ya desde ese entonces veia en ti a la mujer maravillosa que eres ahora. Aunque no te haya escrito antes, quiero decirte que estoy al tanto de tu vida, de tu jornada con John, y tu dedicacion a el, que aunque no lo conozca personalmente es un hombre increible lleno de dulcura y amor, y tu, demostrandonos a todos los que leemos tu blog la gran prueba de ese amor incondicinal y dedicacion a John, son absolutamente una inspiracion para todos. Seguire rezando cada dia por ustedes, Por John para que suceda un milagro y se cure y que tenga la fuerza para seguir luchando; y por ti para que Dios siga dandote esa fortaleza, esa energia, y paz espiritual. No tenemos control de nuestras vidas pero si de nuestros sentimientos y la decision de tomar dia a dia lo mejor de de nuestras vidas.
    Que Dios los bendiga, recibe todo nuestro cariño!!