this morning...

I feel like I am a blogging machine lately. When things are going well, I hate to say it, but I am the farthest away from this thing. We celebrate together, laugh together and well, I would rather be doing that than writing. I need to learn to have this balance of releasing when things are good too. I tend to lean on my writing (and of course, we lean on each other) when things are not so good. I guess that is okay….is it?

We are still here…our second home…waiting for his primary team of doctors to come see John this morning. They will look into his counts this morning after the drain last night (2 days in a row so far, with a 3^rd on the horizon tonight) and see how his pain is being managed now. As I sit here…crossed legged on the couch…John sleeps before me and all I can do is stare at him. I know…weird. I have said it before in the blog and admit it…I creepily watch John sleep…a lot. His little movements and breathe are so intoxicating that all I can do is gawk. His legs crossed at his ankles, his hands by his sides, his mouth slightly open and his breath so quiet and patterned…I know he feels no pain right now. I think that is why I just look at him. I know he cannot feel anything but calm right now and have dreams of himself when he was/is better. He has these thoughts a lot.

So…good morning sweet family and friends. I will be back later to write more I am sure…and to make it a point to write more when things are good too. I need this balance….I need this release. Have a beautiful day and realize sometimes, things are not as bad as they seem. Be thankful for today and LOVE with every ounce of your being…no matter what. I know we do.