dear John...

Hi baby. I love you….I know you know how much I love you because I tell you at least 100 times a day. Do you really know how much other people love you? I don’t think you do my sweet angel. It is evident in the outpouring of love, affectionate words, and compassionate action from everyone who has ever come in contact with you, even if it were for a brief second. I know you want to thank so many for what they have done and are doing for you in this time. You are adored by so many and an inspiration to everyone…especially to me, your wife.

When we got the news seven months ago I knew every ounce of our beings, together, were going to fight. I repeated those words to you as we sat on the living room floor…in tears…the day you told me the results…we are going to fight. Fight is exactly what you did. You knew how hard this was going to be….you knew it was going to try and break your spirit….you knew cancer was going to try and take you away from me, your family, your friends, and your life too early and you were not going to let that happen were you? You did it. You fought…you loved….you cried…you felt….everything. Every single thing that happened along the way you were in control of…except the cancer. That beast was relentless baby. It wanted to take over you sooner but again, you did not let it. You made it so much further than the expiration date you were given in the beginning and I am so proud of you. I am so amazingly proud of you and to have been through every part of it with you….right next to you. There was not a moment I felt as if I should be somewhere else. I knew this journey was going to be hard but your bravery, strength and love was all I needed to be right there with you.

I hate cancer baby love. I know you do too....and I know you hate it most of all because it cut our lives together short. Six years was not enough time to soak you in….I want more. How can I not? The light that radiates through you to me is intoxicating. You are a man of few sentences and you are never careless with your words, but when you do speak it seems so profound…even hilarious at times. Cancer also took our future together….especially having our own little ones to pour our immense love on one day. Even though we cannot have those beautiful, blonde haired, blue eyed little angels anymore…I will always have them in my heart….along with you. You are nowhere near being gone, so this is not a letter of goodbye…this is a letter of appreciation and love. We begin this new journey now together to spend every second we can showing our love to one another. I am so lucky I found you….I am so lucky to have loved and will always love you….I am so lucky you wanted to spend the rest of your life with a woman like me. Don’t worry….this is just the first of many letters I will write you as there is so much more to say to your beautiful face for the remainder of your time here with me. I adore you….I just simply adore every ounce of you. Thank you for loving me….

Your Wife


  1. You and your husband are two amazing, strong, unbelievable people. You are an inspiration to so many others, including myself. Your writing's are beautiful, you can sense the immense amount of love and heart poured into every entry. Thank you for sharing this journey with us. Your family is in my thoughts and in my prayers. God bless you both.

  2. I cry tears for you! Both so young. There are NO words! Your love for each other is so beautiful and evident!

  3. "You are a man of few sentences and you are never careless with your words, but when you do speak it seems so profound…even hilarious at times."

    Cat...so perfect. Describes the man so well...yes, even hilarious at times :)

    Love you guys both!

  4. My prayers continue for peace for you both at this time. I truly belive that God is watching over you both now as always.

  5. You both are in my thoughts and prayers. I've said it before, but you are much stronger than I could ever be and are an inspiration. Your love for each other is amazing.

  6. John's life is affecting more people than either of you can imagine. The love you share and the strength diplayed through this time is an amazing testimony. There are some things in life I will never understand... sometimes when I think about what you guys are going through I have to wonder "god, do you really know what you're doing?" but I KNOW he does and this moment in your lives is only a little piece of a huge tapestry. I don't know John but I can tell you he has changed me and I have talked about him and you to so many people. You both are an inspiration to us all. Keep blogging..

  7. Breathe in me...deep
    That I might breathe...and live
    And hold me close that I might sleep
    Soft held by all you give

    Come kiss me wind and take my breath
    Till you and I are one
    And we will dance among the tombs
    Until all death is gone

    And no one knows that we exist
    Wrapped in each other's arms
    Except the One who blew the breath
    That hides me safe from harm

    Come kiss me wind and take my breath
    Till you and I are one
    And we will dance among the tombs
    Until all death is gone

  8. Cat, this is one of the most beautiful letters from a wife to her beloved husband. Mark and I are praying the Lord holds and comforts you both during this next part of your lives together.

    You both are in our prayers forever.

  9. Dear John,

    I do not know you, I have never met you, but I've known Cat for about 6 years and I know that she would fall in love with someone just like her...strong, funny, kind, generous, silly :) , and just an all around person you would want as a friend forever...and in that, I feel I know you now, too. There are far more people than you know praying for you and thinking about you, most probably just don't know what to say, so I will speak for them...

    John and Cat:

    We all think that you are an amazing couple;
    We all pray for your win over cancer;
    We all had heartache when we read that you had set backs;
    We all got butterflies and excited when you had victories;
    We all know that you are fighters;
    We all feel the intense love that you have for one another, a love that will never end;

    I address this to you, not as 2 separate people, but as one united being, because that is what you are.
    John and Cat, you will be with each other FOREVER, no matter where you are...
    John you will take a piece of Cat with you, Cat, John will always have a piece of you too...
    but that is what true love does, it never leaves, it always is present, now and forever.

    You two have what most people dream of, you have been blessed with the time that you have spent together, although, not long enough, but the intensity of love in 6 years could last most people a lifetime. You are both so blessed to have each other. JB and I have spent many nights talking about you two, your love, our love, and not taking anything for granted, and from the depths of our hearts, we say this, we love you both and share our love with you.

    Our deepest thoughts and prayers are with you both ALWAYS,
    Holly and JB

  10. Dear Cat and John,

    I have never met either of you and don't even know any of your friends...I am a complete stranger to you both. But I can tell you that I don't believe in accidents and that everything happens by God's plan.

    Through your story it is evident that love you have for each other, which is beautiful. The one love that is greater is God's love for you both. The confusion and questions of why he chose you two to walk this journey is one we will all never understand

    Please know that my husband and I are praying for peace, comfort, and restoration for you both during this time. I do believe in miracles and will still hold out for one to bless you.

  11. My heart goes out to you Cat and your family. My prayers are continually with you and I pray for your continued strength. Your story, I'm certain, is a blessing and very encouraging to so many.

    "God never makes mistakes... and He is Always with you"

  12. Dear beautiful couple,
    I am an elementary friend of your mom Lotty from Peru. I have been praying for you two since the day I got the news and checking about you through her. First time checking your blog and I do not want to leave without sending my comment. Your love truly is an amazing love, but my heart grows heavy in begging you both to turn your lives to Jesus, so your love keeps eternal and forever. Just a month ago I got the news that John was improving, and I believe Jesus has the power to heal our minds, soul and body if is His will. Our only responsibility is tell Him, Lord I need you, come to me, rescue me, forgive me, heal me and take me in your arms of love. So our lives don't go in vain without Him missing His plans and promises.
    Cat please whisper this words in John's ear from me: "Lord Jesus,come to me, I need you. I accept your will in me, forgive me all of my sins the ones known and the unknown and make me whole in you. I accept you as my Lord and Savior, I surrender my life to you because you are the fulfillment of love, amen!!!
    May the God all mercies be with you now and always. Keep writing and inspiring you are a strong woman; God has to use you for His Glory allow Him to fill all your voids and sorrows.
    I hug you in the name of Jesus!
    Silvia de Freitas-Meza
    Miami, Fl

  13. Reading your blog I find myself holding the charm I wear on a chain around my neck. It is a thumb print engraved on charm. My dad's thumb print. He is no longer here with me but I find I will rub my thumb over this print to feel the grooves when I am thinking of him. I know this is a sad bit of business to think of now, but I am grateful every day we made the decision to capture his thumb print so I can carry this with me. I'm sure there are a million places who do this but I found http://www.meadowhillco.com/ so you can get the idea. Love and Prayers to you all.