More like rest-less. Yes, restless. I am so completely restless when I am away from John. Today I went in to work to get caught up with everything. I reluctantly left his side this morning, hopped in the car to head home and felt sadness immediately. I missed him already. The need and want to be around him is indescribable and I know our family and friends feel it too. He has a beautiful, quiet spirit that feels so good to be around…why would I want to be anywhere else? As I finished getting ready at home and got back in my car to head to work, I was tempted to head right back to the hospital to be by his side again. The day steamrolled over me and it was finished in an instant. It was amazing how much I got caught up with today and how loving my work family is to us. They are so understanding of our journey and always want to help. The funny thing about all this is that John is the one who pushes me to go work to get my mind off things. He is the one who tells me to go home and sleep in our own bed (which I will never do, I cannot sleep unless he is near me) to get a good night’s rest. My mind is what he is worried about. My sleepless nights are what he is worried about. My heart is what he holds so close to his to protect it. His battered body and positive spirit never thinks of himself first….always others.
As far as today is concerned, there is nothing newer on his prognosis than the day before. We are waiting to see what his counts do after another drain today and the transfusion from the day before. Pain management is just as important as they test different “take home” methods on him to see which is more successful. This all has to be done all the while chemo is on the backburner. I will continue to keep everyone in the loop as the information is relayed to us. With that…we continue to fight.