7.15.2010

laughter...

Laughter is a beautiful way to invite healing. When you are hurting and frustrated the most, laughter can turn your entire day/week around and make everything seem “not so bad”. The week before John started chemotherapy, laughter filled the house from everyone who stopped by and came to love John the holiday weekend. It was nice….really nice. I think that energy carried into the week two of chemo and though incredibly hard, still seemed better than the first time. I know he craves his health and vitality back like he had before round two started, but he seems to be bouncing back a lot faster. Yesterday was the first day since the start of treatment last Tuesday that I have seen John smile and laugh. It gives me goose bumps to see the wrinkles around his eyes form as he laughs at something he or I said. Laughter is something that has gotten us through this journey thus far. Everyone is doing their part to give generously and liberally that medicine needed.

This giving spirit by so many has really touched John and me so deeply. The people we are lucky enough to call our friends have really helped us emotionally and financially. The yoga studio I have been going to for over a year now has even stepped in and are dedicating a class and their proceeds to John once a week for the next month. Every single time I attend a class I am asked how he is feeling and I get that release I need from the practice as well. All of this is a constant reminder of how lucky we are and this battle is one we keep facing with support. There is a light at the end of the tunnel…finally. My goodness…I want to yell it from the rooftops. Finally!!! Finally, John is feeling better. Finally, John is eating. Finally, we can laugh and really feel every tear as a cheerful one.

Draining his chest is our biggest battle right now. It causes him so much upper body pain we hate to even access the tube, but we know it is a must. It is such an incredible responsibility and each time, it does not seem to get any easier. Discomfort, pain, aching, positioning…nothing seems to go right and we cannot seem to get enough of the fluid out. Just get out. Another fight we have with the cancer. Come on cancer…what is the damn deal? Just go ahead and leave with the disgusting build up occurring in the form of this lethal liquid. I will do anything and give whatever I can to have you abscond. Anything that causes him pain should just vanish. Hasn’t he had enough? I feel like putting my foot down and exclaiming, “This is it!!!”…he should now start gaining weight and getting some normalcy back. You want to know why? Because he damn well deserves it. My intensity has everything to do with my love for him. It never comes from frustration or hate because the moment I start feeling negativity, cancer wins. This all comes from wanting the best for him and just letting him have true rest and serenity again…to continue on with his life…our lives. To let him be content, passionate, start his master’s degree in accounting and go back to work…all what John wants. He was asked what one of the first physical things he wants to do when he gets better and countless times he has responded with wanting to go back to work. He has preemptively taken steps to “make plans” for us. I am so happy he is looking toward the future and continuing to know in his mind and his spirit he is better. I encourage him to keep making those adventurous and promising leaps into the future. That prospective is what is making him healthy and hopefully…chubbier. :)

As always, thank you for those who follow and comment. Feel free…anything you have to say is welcomed and warranted. Every word is encouraging.

4 comments:

  1. Praying for y'all constantly! Been reading your blog for a while. The love between you two is unbelievably obvious...what a treasure!

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  2. Cat... I found your blog from facebook. Such a tender and encouraging story. Thank you for sharing apart of your journey.

    Katy Lyn (gush) Pendleton

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  3. I am praying for you guys also. This is an awesome window into your thoughts.

    With love, always - Megan

    P.S. I hope he gets chubbier too :)

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  4. Sandy (Flores) Davis7/16/10, 9:38 AM

    Cat, I haven't seen you since college and John, we've never met but having just gotten married to the love of my life less than a year ago, I cannot begin to imagine what a struggle this is for you. I read your blog religiously and when you have setbacks I cry and when things get better, such as they are now, I smile with you. You're in my prayers daily. You have no idea how many people you've never even met who are praying and rooting for you guys!

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