One day at a time....

We did it. We gave in and splurged on a new bed. We bought a Tempurpedic with an adjustable base so John can have the option of sitting up and having his legs elevated when he is going through treatments. This purchase is an investment and is something we have needed for a long time. His comfort is the most important part. Tonight is the first night in our new bed and yes, we absolutely love it.  :)

It has been a pretty good day. It was a long day at work to be away from him, but the best part was coming home to him. There is a lot of anticipation surrounding the PET scan we have scheduled for this Friday. “PET (Positron Emission Tomography) is a powerful imaging technique that holds great promise in the diagnosis and treatment of many diseases, particularly cancer. A non-invasive test, PET scans accurately image the cellular function of the human body.” I found information on a medical website and I figured it would bring more clarity to what I am talking about. Again, from there…we will know the plan of attack a few days later. Monday, April 5th, will be results day. There are alternative treatments (vitamins) and second opinions (Mayo “type” clinics) we are looking into as well. Research, research, research. I hate the pain he has to endure day to day. I know he is fighting not to complain and to make light of everything, but I can see in his beautiful blues he is uncomfortable. I love him so much….one day at a time.

Something we cannot forget is the fact John’s father is going through this same fight. He has been fighting his own battle with cancer for the past five years, since John and I first started dating. He has gone through countless rounds of chemo and radiation and is still fighting hard and going strong. Knowing John, he will do the same as his father.

We are staying positive because we know we are not the only ones fighting this with us. I thanked family and friends in the previous post and I mean it in every single way. Thank you.


The "C" word...

Many of you know what has happened these last few weeks, but I wanted to keep an open journal of John’s progress and how our love will get us through this new chapter in our lives together. Please, frequent and become a follower of our blog to read any updates we may have about this passage together…

…I will never forget March 10, 2010 for as long as I live.

John had been in the hospital the week before with stomach pains and that was the day we found out what shook us to our very core.

Rewind…. prior to being admitted, John had stomach pains for a few weeks. They were nothing too severe but made him quite uncomfortable. John did not want to go to a “minute clinic” of any kind because he figured it would just go away in a few days and with the help of some antacids. His continual pain made us both concerned and after days of convincing, John went to the clinic down the street from our home. They proceeded to tell him to go straight to the ER because they did not have the testing capabilities he needed there. He called me to let me know he was going to the South Seminole Hospital ER and I went to meet him after work with Michelle in tow. Thinking he was going to be released soon after getting some blood work done and a CT scan, I told him I would meet him at home and have dinner waiting for him when he got out in the next few minutes. It was then, March 5th he called. “Baby, they want to admit me overnight,” he said. He has always been the calm one in our relationship. I got very anxious and of course my first reaction and question was, “WHY?!” He then explained they found the source of his pain and wanted to figure out how it happened. Further testing was ordered after the CT scan revealed swollen lymph nodes in his stomach, fluid around his stomach and lungs and spots on his liver. I thought they were just going to give him a pill to release any gases he had built up inside of him and send him home to me. As soon as he said that, I jumped off the couch, packed a bag with a few of his things and went up to stay the night with him. From there, it was NO sleep, more tests, mom coming in town Sunday night, the doctors saying it could be any number of things (crohn’s, lymphoma, colitis, etc.), more tests, more sleepless nights at the hospital, not eating, and finally getting released from the hospital on Monday evening. I went back to work and we all waited to get the results from his biopsy. I did not think we would hear anything back for quite a few days, but John took the initiative to go up to the hospital with Susie to get the results. When he told me he was headed up there, my heart sank because I wanted to go with him. He told me he would let me know as soon as he knew anything that day. Since I was at work, I told him good or bad…to just send a text message that stated, “Come home.” He did so Wednesday afternoon…and I came home.

I walked through the door….saw his beautiful face….and knew. I walked up to him, he said, “It came back cancer”. I have never screamed so loud, cried so hard, or fell to my knees so quickly in my entire life. We held each other and cried for what seemed like hours. I kept repeating, “We are going to fight this.” He just kept nodding and looking into my eyes. Even then, with tears streaming down our faces, we still had so much love in them for each other. We knew this was going to be a journey…and one we had to do together…as a family.

Since then, we have been on a hunt to find the source. This past Tuesday, John had a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Friday, we got the call. John has esophageal cancer…cancer of the esophagus. This disgusting prognosis is “fast moving” in the words of the doctor and has spread to his stomach. That is what has been causing the abdominal pains because of the swollen lymph nodes. This Friday (4/2), we go in to get a PET scan and then Monday (4/5), we plan our attack.

Who would have thought? My healthy, nonsmoking, 27 year old angel of a husband has cancer. My heart is hurting for him. The pain he is in constantly and the long journey he is about to endure makes me want to take all of this away from him. Why him? Why? This is going to be a fight of a lifetime and I would not want to be anywhere else but by his side. Together, we are going to beat this. Together. My sweet, loving, soul mate is going to be surrounded by positive energy, love, thoughts and my arms.

So…here we go. This is the path we are headed on now. I love him more than anything in this world. We are so lucky to not have to go at this alone….THANK YOU to a wonderful family, amazing friends, powerful doctors, sweet nurses, and understanding co-workers.